Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize