I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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