I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
