um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize