thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
