It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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