and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
