hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
