Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
