Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There r osticjed everywhere
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
