good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There r osticjed everywhere
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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