Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
