A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
