Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
