I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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