i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
