yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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