I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
