how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
