i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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