I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
