the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
