new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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