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You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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