He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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