I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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