It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
