Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
