yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
