No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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