do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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