now i know why i became what i already was.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
