I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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