Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
