Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
