So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
