In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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