and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
