Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
