do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
