at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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