the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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