I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
