do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
