I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
