That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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