Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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