Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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