My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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