I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
