I accidentally burped into my bong.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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