dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
