It's just like the Real World with babies
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
