i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
