on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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