Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
