Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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