I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
