ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
