So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
